


There’s No Escaping You

by DryDreams



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: (it’s Gabe obv), Grief/Mourning, Implied Character Death, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 18:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19301446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DryDreams/pseuds/DryDreams
Summary: Jack misses him every hour of every day





	There’s No Escaping You

Jack was having a good night, for once. The blistering heat of the day had been reduced to something pleasant by the setting of the sun, and Ana had dragged him out into the city. Cairo at night always looked like a party, all twinkling lights and swirling colorful crowds. Smelled like one too— delicious and smoky.  
Ana was on the hunt for new shoes and had been sidetracked by a tent full of scarves, more unique than most of those you’d see in more touristy areas. If Ana was pausing for them, it was likely they were handmade. She’d always had an eye for fine things, unlike Jack. 

_Like Gabriel._

No. No, no no. That thought was unwelcome. It made something dark stir in Jack’s gut so he very quickly shoved it away. 

His sole purpose here tonight was to find some good fucking shawarma. Ana had said she had an inkling of where to get some but she was busy, so he was going to have to follow his nose. 

Conveniently the two of them never took off the comms they had tuned to their private channel, so Jack left his companion behind and slipped further into the crowd. There was something rather isolating about a crowd, he thought absentmindedly. Somehow being surrounded by people all not paying the slightest bit of attention to you makes you feel even more alone than if you really were. It was a feeling Jack actually rather appreciated sometimes. After all this time he still never took for granted his new ability to be ignored. 

_The one person you didn’t want to ignore you and it’s all he did, in the end. What did you do wrong?_

Sucking in a breath, Jack shook his head, again willing away the thought. Tonight was supposed to be good. 

He soon found the food he was looking for just as Ana caught up with him. Together they ordered a small feast and found a dark corner with an unoccupied table to enjoy it in. The vegetables were crispy fresh and the creamy sauce on the meat was impeccable. He had no idea what was in it. Ana chatted animatedly in between bites and Jack found himself happy, properly distracted, mind finally off his usual troubles. 

Until a wry smile from Ana took him whizzing back to what was once a fond memory, and he found Gabriel’s laughing face in his minds eye. Despite his best efforts not to go there, _why did it always have to go there_ , he was painfully reminded of how he would never see that beautiful face again. 

Something must have looked off in his own expression because Ana frowned at him. “Where did you go?” She queried when he blinked and met her eye. 

“Nowhere. It’s nothing. Sorry.”

With a mild sigh, she left it alone. She was used to this by now. Sometimes it was worse. Never really went away, the grief. 

For a few more hours as they wandered around, he was free again. He loved his friend’s company and this city. They made him feel good, made him happy to be alive. A few more silly things threatened to trigger memories— a book he and Gabe had once talked about, the name of a city… a color. That very specific red. But he’d had years of practice not letting every memory to the front of his mind. He managed, for a few more hours. 

But pushing things back was never a permanent solution. The pressure built, his stomach twisted, his throat tightened. There was nothing he could do. At a point he found himself wanting nothing more than to be alone again, so he could let it all out. As always. 

“Should we head back?” He suggested neutrally and Ana nodded. It was late, anyways. That he’d been out for this long was practically a miracle. 

They parted ways at Ana’s doorway, her leaving him with a kiss on the cheek and her veiled command of “See you in the morning.” 

The few minutes after he entered his room were fine. He unlaced his boots and put them away, mechanically checked to see if everything was as he left it. 

His chest hurt first. Like he’d swallowed lead, and it slid down, behind his sternum and settled in his gut. He swallowed reflexively as the dam properly broke, his throat so tight it ached and he crumpled onto his bed. The tears came silently for a moment and then he sobbed, fisted his hands in his hair and cried with his whole body.

_He’s never coming back. He’s never coming back. He’s never coming back._

Jack didn’t know how he was still doing this. Every time, he wondered how long he’d be able to, if this was the time he’d finally give up.

Every time, new memories arose. Things he hadn’t thought of in years, hadn’t thought of almost since they’d happened. And every time it was like a new wound tore itself into his heart. 

They’d never do those things again.  
He’d never sit with Gabriel on a bench where they could see the whole city. He’d never curl up in bed with Gabriel, giggling like children over something that wasn’t even that funny. He’d never fight by Gabriel’s side, or fight against him. There would never again be a night that Jack spent in Gabriel’s arms, or a day spent watching him live. 

This was fucking unbearable. 

He curled in on himself, fingernails digging into the skin of his arms. Physical pain did nothing for him now. None of it even compared. 

It had been nearly 6 years and Jack still longed to kiss him, hold him. He’d never felt anything close to that for anyone else, nothing could fill the hole. 

Eventually he ran out of tears and lay still, breathing unsteadily. His head ached and his throat felt raw. He’d fall asleep like that, on top of his covers. Only slightly hoping that by some miracle he wouldn’t wake up again.

The lights from the earlier outing danced on the outskirts of his mind but they were no match for what kept them out. They never were. Nothing he did ever took the pain away, because nothing he could do would ever bring back what he’d lost. 

Jack had been on top of the world once. Now though… he couldn’t be more helpless. Praying for an end and never getting one. Praying for a miracle and never getting any of those, either. 

The dreams came often. The worst part was that they were always good dreams. Jack’s subconscious knew Gabriel like he’d seen him yesterday. His smile, his voice, the way he moved. In the dreams he’d always come home, always smile and tell Jack it had all been a fluke, a misunderstanding. He’d take Jack’s hand and kiss his knuckles and everything would be like it was until Jack woke up. Woke up shaking, as if it had been a nightmare.

He wonders sometimes if bad dreams would be better. Years ago he was afraid of them, afraid to sleep. Now he’s just resigned. Now, he just sleeps.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends,  
> I’ve done what I do best which is write r76 when I’m sad.  
> Thank u for reading the latest installment of “Jack in Egypt being sad”


End file.
